A trip to the doctor!

No doubt most of us are familiar with how the US healthcare system (or UK health system, for those of you there) works. You have your level of coverage by whichever insurance company, you call up to find a doctor, make an appointment and then go see them. It works pretty much the same here in Israel, which is great - if you speak Hebrew.

I've been sick for about three weeks now - just a lingering cough that I can't seem to shake. It's become annoying enough to go and do something about it, finally. Seeing as how we're covered here in Israel through Animation Lab, and since I don't know what would happen if I went to the doc's in the UK (payment-wise, you understand), I elected to pay a visit before we leave. Here is how my Sunday adventure went:

The phones here all have quick-dial methods (*xxxx will get you to xxxx's business phone) - the one for the insurance/doctor that we're covered by is *2700 (I discovered that *2900 is Club Med - just in case you were interested!). Now, this number isn't listed on the insurance card I was given (all in Hebrew), and we weren't given any informative pamphlets or anything like that. So, I'm going in blind on this journey. I reach a Hebrew message, and start randomly pressing numbers, correctly assuming that this was a "press x for nurse, press x for appointments" type menu. After two tries, I reach a person who doesn't speak English, and who helpfully transferred me to an English-speaking person after laughing at me for a minute or two. I explained my symptoms, and she said "yes, of course you can see a doctor." *pause*

me: you mean, right now, I can come down?
her: yes, come now, ok?
me: ok, your address is 126 ben yehuda?
her: yes it is in (something in Hebrew I didn't catch)
me: I'm sorry, it's where?
her: (laugh) yes, ben yehuda *click*

Ok. So, I'm on my way to see a random doctor. At some building. According to the website (I did get that from one of Lee's admins at work, and google translate is pretty handy, sometimes), the place is MAOZ 126 Ben Yehuda. I know where Ben Yehuda is, and I figure that I can find where 126 is, no problem. HAHAHAHAHAH - man I kill me sometimes!

I get to Ben Yehuda, and go to where google maps says this place is. Which it isn't. I asked three or four people where I could find this address, and got many shrugs and a couple brusque "no's" when I asked if they spoke English. Finally after going up and down several flights of stairs in the building I THOUGHT it was in, I found a helpful security guard who pointed out the real building to me across the street. The building itself is called "MAOZ" - the whole half-block long building is #126 Ben Yehuda. Great. Thanking him, I trundled down the escalator and made my way across the street to try to figure this out.

Now, Ben Yehuda is the pedestrian shopping street I wrote about way back in November - so the building I'm supposed to go to has a bunch of store fronts, and stalls and markets. I spy what looks like a pharmacy door, and on a hunch checked it out (the writing, again, all in Hebrew). There was a non-English speaking security guard posted inside the door, and when I asked about a clinic, he pointed me downstairs. Had I succeeded?? No, downstairs was a big pharmacy. (Side note: An elderly English woman was getting off the elevator as I came down the stairs, and asked me if that was the pharmacy, and I indicated that I didn't know, but would check. So I did, and told her that yes, it was indeed. And then she said "are you English?". I laughed and said "no, I am American, but my boyfriend is......" I didn't get to finish before she dismissed me rather rudely - s'up arrogant lady? And I reckon spending so much time here with Lee has probably impacted my enunciation somewhat. I'll have to switch that to valley girl when we get down to LA!) I headed back up for another encounter with the security guard.

me: No no, that is pharmacy, I need DOCTOR.
him: Oh, doctor? Up (pointing up the stairs)
me: ah. thanks.

So, I go UPstairs, and find what looks like it could be a doctor's office! I approach the front desk, where there are two people looking like nurses, helping a lady. I wait a few minutes while one finishes her phone conversation, and finishes helping the lady in front of me, and then the younger woman calls me over, and I discover that SHE doesn't speak English (Hey Esther - so much for your theory that they all speak it in Jerusalem!). So the older lady turns to help me, swipes my insurance card, and asks who my doctor is. Well, I don't have one, and she says:

You don't have doctor? We have no doctor here until 2! (it's 2:45) I mean, 3!
me: Uh, well, I can wait?
her: Go to room 112, and see nurse blahblahblah, she will help you.

I walk around the corner (and am directed by hand gestures by both the nurses and the woman who had been waiting in front of me), and stand outside a nurses office, while she speaks to some man inside. Once she is done with him, she waves me in, and in broken English, asks me what is wrong. I explain, and she tries to take my pulse. And my pO2 levels, whatever those are. The first machine she she tries to use (clipping the little finger thing on me) doesn't work. She reboots it. And then says, very loudly and very exasperatedly "OY VEY" then walks out of the room, leaving me finger-clipped into this broken machine. A few minutes later, she returns, wheeling an older model finger-clippy machine, and plugs me into that one. When she gets my readings (hr: 75bpm, pO2 97%) she says "good, that's very good."

The nurse prints out a piece of paper, tells me to take it to the front desk, and then to room 107 to see the doctor. I take it back to the nurses, they swipe my card again, and then tell me to go to room 108. Oooohkay. I walk down the OTHER hallway, and join two other women waiting for the doctor. After 40 minutes, I decide to try to door to 108, as there hadn't been any movement, and room 107 had a couple people come in and out. 108 is locked tight, and no response to knocking. One of my fellow waiting patients goes to the front desk, where the older nurse lady insists there is someone in 108. We wait a few minutes longer, then we both approach the front desk, and the woman angrily hangs up her phone, and charges down the hall with us. She swings open door 107, and gives us a smug look - we both look at her and say, in unison, "you told us 108." She shrugged, and walked back to her desk.

Progress! The other girl was ahead of me, so she went in first, and I settled back down to wait. Some more. About 5 minutes go by, and a crazy looking lady walks up and starts rattling off to me in Hebrew. After establishing that I only speak English, she asks me if I am waiting for 107, which I am. Then:

her: what time you have?
me: (looking at watch) it is...
her: no no, what time you get?
me: Oh, uh, I got here at 3 (it is now 3:50)
her: oh, you go first. I am 3 and ten minutes. (laughs to self)

I go back to reading, and another five minutes go by when ANOTHER lady walks up and starts in with the Hebrew. I have very nearly the same conversation - with her trying to determine which of us had been there longest, and therefore got to go into the office first. I still came out the winner, so we all settled down to wait some more.

At around 4:10, the girl who had been in front of me came out of the office, and I made my way in. Now, this was a tiny exam room, with a dirty patient table, and a packed office desk, and a tiny woman sitting behind it. She tries Hebrew, and then broken English. I explain again what is wrong with me (the same two questions asked 4 times: You have coughed for three weeks?? and You smoke?). She gets a stethoscope, and listens to me breathe for a few minutes, then looks down my throat. Then sits back behind her super filthy desk, and starts typing. Handing me 4 print-outs that she'd signed and stamped, she says:

her: You go get chest xray. And here are antibiotics and syrup. For coughing.
me: ok, where do I get the xray?
her: HebrewHebrewHebrew
me: uhm, can you tell me where that is? I don't know....
her: ask at desk. they tell you. goodbye.

I take my papers (in Hebrew) and go back to the front desk. The woman there says the SAME thing to me about where I am to get my xray, and I ask her to write it down. She does. In Hebrew. I then ask for her to write it in English, so she does that (big huge sigh). I figure this is the name of a facility (that is 'not too far') away from the clinic, and I head on my way to fill my scrips. Back down two flights of stairs to the pharmacy, I wait my turn, and get called up to the counter. They take my prescriptions, and promptly fill them from drawers lining the wall. Wham, bam, I'm out of there with a whole boatload of pharmaceuticals, and the name of some place to go.

As it's late in the day, I decide to wait until the next day to find this xray place. Just as well I did!

The next morning I wake up feeling AWFUL. It's apparently a reaction to the types of meds I was given, so I struggle through and get up to go get this xray. I look on google maps, and find out that it's about 3 miles away, and I'd have to walk. So I get hoofing it. I walk through several neighborhoods, and come to a sign with the name of the 'facility' on it. It's not a building. It's an EFFING NEIGHBORHOOD. With no indication as to where I'm meant to go to get this xray done. As I'm feeling like death itself, I head home - another 3 miles in the sun. Once I get there, I email Lee's admin to find out about this place. Apparently there IS an address for it, and it's another mile beyond where I'd already walked that day. Uh, no thanks.

I took the rest of yesterday off, and when I was asked about the xray at work today, I said that "it took forever!" and received a round of sympathetic nods from the people I was speaking with. Apparently heathcare here runs exactly like everything else in Israel- it all depends what day you go, who you talk to, and whether or not that person is in a good mood.

(As far as my health is concerned, I'm feeling infinitely better today- and I wasn't coughing all night for the first time in a long time - it would seem that (bad reaction or no) the antibiotics and syrup I received (gratis!) are working their wonders!)